do you resist receiving? fun tale from Oakland!

It’s no wonder you can sometimes feel resistant to step up into your full authentic, empowered Goddess self, the self that is easily adept at asking for what she wants, fully expecting to receive it and then actually…receiving the thing without putting up a fight…

Or only receiving it when you feel like you’ve “earned” it.

But if you are to open to her, that true Goddess self that is magnetic and powerful and deliciously happy, learning the art of receiving is key.

And we sometimes get hit over the proverbial head to learn this!

I’d love to share a funny story about this that happened to me last week in Oakland.

Would that be okay?

It’s a prime example of how the lone wolf warrior Goddesses had to surrender to the more balanced, open-to-receiving self-loving Goddess.

The Story

I was just visiting the Bay Area to teach at a performing arts camp that I look forward to every year.

I stayed in a few places throughout the week and at one point, I booked a last minute AirBnB without reading the fine print.

But the day before I was scheduled to go to that place, I got this really strong feeling that I shouldn’t stay at that AirBnB. 

Looking closer at the place, I realized I thought it was a private space only to find it was a shared space. Red flag #1. 

I tried to edit my reservation to only stay there one night (again, I really wanted to cancel but I was trying to override my own wisdom and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad)…only to receive a text from the owner that she doesn’t do cancellations for any part of the stay. Red flag #2.

I Lyft over to the place, which is in a nice, safe neighborhood.

It looked pretty from the outside.

Maybe my intuition was off? 

The place

I see a man coming down the steps with headphones on and no shoes. I get the same funny feeling and I am told by the host who lived above to take off my shoes and keep my feet on the outside mat (and apparently I did this wrong as she mumbled something under her breath!). Oh dear, Diana, what have we gotten ourselves into?

To make a long story longer, it was not just a shared space with one other person. It was a crazy set-up of two rooms lined with bunk beds and a mat on the floor…and one bathroom that she said we were only allowed to be in for 15 minutes. No locks on the sliding doors and no food allowed in the space, not to mention I’d be bunking with three other men in the same room? No no no thank you Goddess! 

Get out of there

At that point, I was literally speechless and I had no idea what else she said to me, but I ended up just going outside on the porch with all my stuff and texted my boyfriend, who of course was horrified that I was staying there.

I waited hours and hours to even tell him because I knew he would be worried and I kept trying to justify why it wasn’t so bad…and all my intuitive alarms were firing SO freakin loud to call my friend Shannon and go back to her place, or get a hotel, anything but I couldn’t stay there.

My Goddess, I waited until the lovely hour of 11:15pm to finally do something about the situation and really, it was my boyfriend who finally snapped me out of it.

His text was brief: here’s a hotel. I’ve booked it already. Get in a Lyft and get out of there. Let me know when you’re inside safely. 

Resistance

And you know what? I resisted it! 

I was actually annoyed at him. 

I resisted and hemmed and hawed. 

I didn’t want him to spend so much money on a room I’d be in for five hours. 

I didn’t want to lose the money I’d already spent. 

I felt bad. 

I was pissed at myself for not reading the fine print. 

Annoyed at myself for not feeling strong enough to listen to my gut the first time and stay with Shannon and forfeit the reservation altogether or to admit that yes, I got myself into a predicament but I could make another choice, a better choice at anytime. 

I was at cause here, never a victim to circumstance. It wasn’t ever too late and nothing was worth forfeiting a good night’s sleep and being well rested for choreography the next day.

Once I made the decision, I felt a huge wave of relief and I watched in amusement as more and more random people kept coming into the home. Pretty soon, 9 people were in the two rooms and I was seriously laughing at myself by then.

Reflections

Once I got into the hotel room (near midnight), and I lay in the huge king size bed about to pass out, I realized how unnecessarily difficult I had made this!

My friend in the morning was like…”Girl, why didn’t you just call me the second it was weird?”

And my answer to her? “I didn’t want to disturb you. It was late.”

O.M.G 

We’ve all had some version of this right? The part of us that doesn’t want anyone to be burdened by assisting us or being there for us. 

I could feel her rolling her eyes at me. I would have!

My boyfriend’s response was similar: “Why are you making this so hard? You’re feeling uncomfortable. That should be a big enough sign. No explanation needed. Get out of there.”

Again, my answer? “Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

O.M.G

Why do we have to wait until something is “bad” before we make a choice that honors us? 

I realized how my dogged determination to “tough it out and make do with a sub-par situation” clearly didn’t serve me or anyone else. 

It was just my own stubbornness in not wanting to change gears because it would “inconvenience” so many people. (made up, crappy thought lie!)

The Lessons:

I learned so much from that one evening. 

I realized that I am not perfect. No one is. It’s okay to make mistakes (like not reading all the details before booking something!)

And no one is to “blame.” It just is what it is and you can redirect as needed. 

It’s okay to change directions, as often as necessary to honor your Spirit. 

It’s okay to ask for help and admit that you are uncomfortable. 

People actually really do want to be there for you and it takes more strength to ask for help than it does to tough it out and be miserable in your own pride.

So that night, I retired the slave girl, lone warrior-tough-it-out Goddess aspect of myself.

I seriously thought I was done with her, but that one night showed me she was still there to make one final appearance so we could break up for good and go our separate ways.

In her place?

Increased self love.

Appreciation for my partner more than ever before.

Surrender.

Reminder of my innate worthiness for everything I desire and require.

In short, The Queen Goddess, who is anchored in strong self-acceptance, open to receiving and giving from a place of authenticity and Truth,  is out to play.

And here to stay.

And it feels damn good.

Q: Have you ever resisted asking for help? What is one thing you are willing to receive this week? Share with us in the comments!

ps: Want more? Click here to get my free 5-day ecourse Soul Mate!