The 4-step process to having an uncomfortable but necessary conversation with anyone

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You know the feeling right?

Your stomach is tight. You may even get a headache or find it really hard to breathe.

You start distracting yourself by cleaning, checking email or doing a million other “important” things to avoid having the inevitable “talk” with someone that has been a long time coming. Your mind races with thoughts like:

What if they HATE me?

What if I shoot myself in the foot and say the wrong thing?

What if I’m just being ridiculous and unreasonable?

 

Try my easy, 4-step process below to having that uncomfortable but necessary “talk” with anyone and be sure to leave a comment on the blog when you’re done!

Step 1: Set your space and be real.

“Hey, (insert their name).

I really appreciate you for listening right now/taking a few minutes to hear me out.

I have always admired (insert genuine compliment here or say nothing!)

Optional: “This is uncomfortable for me to share with you but I need to say this.”

 

Step 2: Lay out what you want without emotion

“I want (to end our relationship, a divorce, a raise, to change directions in this project, to reconsider my initial offer, to feel heard in this relationship, etc….”)

 

Step 3. Spell out your feelings (no one can argue with them!) AND any actions that you will be taking as a result

“This doesn’t feel right anymore and I need to honor that. Because of that, I/we will be _____________ OR,

“In order for this to feel right, I need to see the following things happen: _____________(state anything they can do to make it right)___________ .

Example:

“This doesn’t feel right anymore and I need to honor that. Because of that, I will (moving on, moving out, etc.).

 

Step 4: Appreciate them again and Choose your ending

*Do you want to hear them out and continue the discussion? If so, choose this:

“I appreciate you listening to me and I’d love to give you space now to share anything you’ve been wanting to say to me. I’m all ears.” (Then you REALLY have to listen and do your best to avoid interrupting or getting defensive. Follow through.)

 

*Do you just want to wrap up the conversation and end the discussion gracefully? If so, choose this:

“I am sharing this with you because I respect you and am just doing what feels true for me. (appreciate them and set the boundary).

I understand you may have more questions but I’ve shared what feels right for me in this situation and am unwilling to continue discussing it at this time. (set your parameters. notice the word “unwilling” has a different vibration than “I can’t” or “I don’t want to”. It’s more powerful!) I’m choosing to move on and again, thank you for listening. That means a lot to me.”

(notice the end with a genuine compliment or nothing at all and FOLLOW THROUGH on what you say! They may try to test you and continue the conversation and in that case, just keep going back to “I’m unwilling to continue discussing this at this time…” or walk away if need be.) You do NOT have to over explain or defend your choice.

Congratulations! You did it!

Side suggestion:

It’s always nice to have something special planned for yourself after having any uncomfortable “talk.” It does not need to be expensive or fancy or even anything that requires money. You can go for a walk to your favorite park, schedule some time to do paint your nails or just browse at your favorite bookstore that you never got a chance to go in because you were worried about this conversation! Self-care is SO important at the end of the “talk.”

 

Take Action!

1. What is ONE suggestion YOU have that helps you prepare for an uncomfortable conversation?

2. Post a comment here and let’s connect!

 

ps: Are YOU going through a break-up (personal or professional) or want to release an ex but have no idea how?

 Sign up to get weekly updates (it’s FREE) and I’ll send you actionable spiritual and relationships wisdom that WORKS!

 

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You are never alone.

 

 

3 Steps to Prepare Yourself for “The Talk” aka Breakups

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Let’s face it. Breakups suck. Whether you’re the one breaking up or the person broken up with, there’s no easy way around it.  A breakup is not limited to a love relationship. There’s also the severing of ties with business partners or clients. Or maybe a friendship that has long expired.

 

No matter what arena the breakup falls in, it’s uncomfortable, it’s awkward and in most cases, it’s necessary. But there is good news. Once you are completely clear that you want to break up, know that it is completely possible to do so GRACEFULLY in a way that keeps everyone’s dignity intact and communicates exactly what’s true for you.

 

The most challenging part is BEFORE. And feeling safe and supported going into a conversation that you would rather avoid but you know you need to have. I’m here to help you. It just requires a little prep work and a commitment to take action.

 

In this video, I want to share:

  • The 3 things you must do before you have “the uncomfortable talk” with ANYONE
  • An unconventional way to feel supported before “the talk” to ensure that the “talk” goes as smoothly as possible
  • A FREE PDF “Before the Talk” sheet for you to download below this blog 

Now it’s YOUR turn to try it out and TAKE ACTION!

  1. Download your free PDF: 3 Steps to Prep Yourself before
  2. What did YOU experience when you tried out the AA Gabrielle mantra?
  3. Post a comment below this video at the blog.

 Sneak peek:

Next week, I’ll be sharing a simple 4 step formula to help you know how to structure “the talk” so it sets you up for a win:win. Stay tuned and for FREE updates, join my CEO family over at www.DianaDorell.com

 

PS: Want to get away with me to a magical, spiritual place this winter?

 

Soothe Your soul LIVE in Sedona is coming up November 2-4th and to learn more go to www.URintuitive.com!

FREE videos coming up NEXT week to help you manifest but you MUST sign up here!

 

 

 

 


3 Top Productivity Secrets from ‘Dre

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One of the things that I keep saying is that I miss having a cute little dog/pet to play with. 

And lo and behold, in the past month I have had two good friends invite me to pet sit their adorable furry children!

This past week, I watched a little Chihuahua named “Andre.” His nickname is Andre the Giant (tee-hee!) and my personal nickname for him is “Little ‘DRE.” He taught me a LOT about life just in the past few weeks and I realize his lessons are really 3 TOP PRODUCTIVITY secrets that you can really apply to business OR your relationships.

Enjoy and be sure to leave a comment below!

 #1 Play with Purpose

At any given moment, he would go into a spastic “Happy Dance” where he’d wiggle his little body, bury his nose in the blanket and roll over with a satisfied grunt. Then he’d proceed to run around my entire home with his stuffed baby elephant until he was complete. It was pretty amazing to watch and I couldn’t help but get in the game and play with him. I got so much done after that!

 

YOU: In all your relationships, could you commit to making some time each day to just PLAY without agenda or purpose? Invite a co-worker out for a smoothie, tell a silly joke  or story and ask your biz partner to share one too, tickle your lover, etc! When we can PLAY, we up the FUN factor and the energy in the room is electric, open and EXPANSIVE=more productivity, more happiness and more money!

 


2. Kiss and Make Up

Andre chewed a corner off my current favorite hardcover book, The Fire Starter Sessions. I was livid.  Fuming. And with tail between his legs, he knew Auntie Diana was not happy. So I did what a lot of us adults do when we’re mad in relationships. I ignored him and pretended like everything was fine. (A truly passive aggressive, confusing combination to the other party in our lives!) And inside I felt like I was going to burst.  His ears perked up and he promptly climbed into my lap and started kissing my arm. When that didn’t work, he started kissing my knee. And when I STILL wasn’t looking at him, he went for it and started kissing my big toe, which made me burst out in laughter! I said, “Andre, I am very mad at you right now. Never touch my books again, especially if they are on the floor. But I love you and thank you for the kisses.” Message received. All my books are intact to my knowledge and the kisses keep coming.

 

YOU:  Instead of holding your emotion in, how would it feel to let it OUT in a creative way for a change? Could you communicate clearly what it is you’re feeling, without trying to “make it right” or avoid personal responsibility?

 

A good formula that works for me: 1. State your feeling in the MOMENT, not the past  (I feel…right now). 2. State what you want to see change (be specific and don’t blame). And 3. End with an authentic compliment (I love you, I appreciate you for ___, etc)

 


3.    Do structured ‘Nothing’ everyday.

(It makes you more productive!)

Andre has no problem sleeping all day and bouncing from fuzzy blanket to stuffed pillow with stretch breaks in between. It was actually amazing to me and sometimes as I was working in my home office, I literally would forget he was there because he was sleeping like a cat, quiet as a mouse, content to do NOTHING at all. No apologies. No sneaking around like he was being “productive.” Just full-out lazing about. It was really quite admirable and I found myself feeling envious, so I did a little experiment. Instead of darting to my computer right when my eyes opened, I took a bubble bath. And just sat there in the tub. Closed my eyes. Listened to Pandora and just splashed about without any cares. For like 30 whole minutes (I have to start small right?). Then I made some fresh juice for myself and petted Andre, who was happy to see me adopting his pampering, guilt-free attitude! All this happened before 11am. After that, I got a day’s worth of stuff done in literally 3 hours. And I realized, WOW. There really is something to this “do nothing/relax” time!

 

YOU: What “Do Nothing” activities sound like fun for YOU to incorporate into your day? Doing these activities consistently, even if just for 10 minutes could potentially save you hours of time and increase your mental clarity, focus and intuition!

 

Take ACTION NOW!

  • Which one of the 3 lessons above will YOU embody this week? List your choice below and also list any ideas you have!
  • Want to learn how to MANIFEST with EASE and meet new like-minded friends?

My annual spiritual retreat in magical SEDONA, Soothe Your Soul LIVE™ is coming up this NOVEMBER!  I’ll be sharing FREE training video and audio in the next month or two for all those who sign up for the VIP priority registration list! (no purchase necessary)

 Go here: www.URintuitive.com

 

Have a productive, magical day!

Love,

Diana

Live Stream Video: How to Raise the B-A-R in your life (3 easy steps)

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The live-stream video below is from my recent talk in New York City at the State of Now Conference!

You’ll get to hear my 10 minute talk on “How to Look for Love in All The Right Places!”

Here’s what you’ll learn:

  • The #1, hands-down BEST Pick-Up Line you’ve ever heard (fellas, are you taking notes?)
  • The 3 top strategies to creating authentic, lasting relationships (you can use for business or personal)
  • Proof that Angels really do exist (true story)

Important NOTE: The guy in purple that you see is the Founder and Organizer of the event, Jeff Keni Pulver.

My talk is right after his brief introduction. And if you have time, you’ll want to watch the guy on AFTER me too. His name is Ted Rubin and he is a single, divorced dad of two teenage daughters and shares powerful insights to bridge parenting as well as cherishing moments and creating lasting friendships.

Enjoy!

 


Video streaming by Ustream

 

TAKE ACTION NOW:

1. What is ONE actionable tid-bit you got from the video above?

2. What helps YOU get through negative self-talk?

Post your insights on here! I’d love to hear from you.

ps: Did you enjoy this post?

Please Tweet/Like/Share and join our CEO e-family so you’ll get exclusive updates (it’s FREE) as well as a FREE report: The ONE question you MUST ask yourself to stop second-guessing yourself in love and business.

 

3 Steps to Stop Feeling Like a ‘Fraud’ in Your Life

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So, today’s post comes from a comment one of my favorite clients shared with me and I have a feeling that you may vibe with it (or know someone who would).

She is a very successful consultant and she is dedicated to helping her clients bring order and organization back to their business. But despite all her success (she practically has a waiting list because she’s so awesome at what she does!), there was a nagging feeling she couldn’t shake.

Q: “Diana, how do I deal with this feeling of guilt for helping my clients organize their business when I don’t have my own shit together?”

(Translation: How do I stop feeling like a fraud?)

Ouch.

This is a BIG and very common feeling that I hear running rampant, especially with super freakin talented (and successful!) service-providers and it’s time to address this.

I’m super passionate about this, so I’m going to offer insights in two parts over two weeks.

Today, you get Part One.

———-


A: (Part 1) How to Deal with Feeling Like You’re a Fraud in your Business (Or your Love Life)

 

Step 1: Recognize the Pattern
In my experience, this “fraud voice” usually comes up when you are about to make a BIG change, leap or transition that you KNOW is right
(it’s actually been a long time coming) but there’s fear because there are no guarantees that it’s all actually going to work out.) You just FEEL it. (And the thought of NOT doing it feels like you’d be selling out on yourself/out of integrity.)

Ex: Raising your rates, Having the “Talk” with your significant other or finally starting your own spiritually-based business.

Is this you?
Step 2. CALMLY acknowledge the voice
If so, after taking a few deep breaths, state ALOUD: “I recognize that I am currently experiencing fear around __________(insert your BIG leap here). I see you. I feel you. And I acknowledge that you are here to protect me. Thank you for sharing.”All that voice really is is the Ego and it stems from the belief that you are somehow separate from another or the world. You aren’t. That’s an illusion. But for the love of Goddess, acknowledge the voice or it’s just going to be like a 4 year old and get louder and more annoying until you give it attention 🙂

 

Step 3: Go back to your WHY (Vision)
What was the reason you got into your business in the first place? What drew you to want to be close to that person? Write it down. Dance it out. Sing about it. Heck, I even had one client RECORD her own voice for what her WHY was and she plays it every morning on her fancy i-phone!

When we re-visit our WHY (or vision), our bigger intention, all of a sudden, the subconscious remembers, “Oh yea, it’s not about Me (Ego). It’s about being in service and using my gifts to the fullest extent of my potential.” (or your own version of that!)

———————

Take Action Time:

I want to hear from you:

1. What helps YOU tame that “fraud” voice? Post a comment on here!

2. Try out the 3 steps if you’re serious about shifting your energy for the REST OF THE WEEK and post your findings of this experiment by posting a comment here!

 3. Need help? Consider this first.
Sometimes (more often than not), the “voice” is not actually ours. It could be the voice of our well-intentioned parents, old lovers, even lineage or past life patterns that are running the show and squashing your capacity to move beyond certain income levels, loving partnerships or optimum health that you know you deserve. The good news? You have the power to release it. Completely. Like. For. Good.

Part of my WHY is to help you feel powerful in all your relationships, to help you make the kind of money you know you could be making in your business (without it leaking out the other end!) and to help you feel like you have as much energy as you had when you were little so you can go live out your dream. But it takes courage. It takes effort. And if it’s a pattern that’s been ingrained in your subconscious for a long time, you need help. (otherwise you would have already seen the kind of results you wanted, right?) Now is the time. And if you’re feeling the call from within, I’m here for you, but you must take action.

Go here to book

With Love,

Diana

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