this question floored me..

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Are you ready to give up being the warrior?

When I first heard a mentor ask that to a group I’m a part of , it floored me because even though the question wasn’t directed specifically at me, I could see how it described perfectly the way that I operated for the whole of my twenties and early thirties in relationship…and the dilemma many of my clients also face when they are just at the brink of a breakthrough in their relationship space, often with themselves.

This archetype of being a warrior has many connotations but for simplicity, assume that we are discussing the unhealthy pattern or “shadow” side of this powerful energy.

Characteristics of a warrior “Shadow” archetype:

  • Protecting or providing for someone you love at the expense of your own well-being
  • Rescuing or trying to control an outcome for someone else..
  • Kicking up drama in order to feel something…anything…to get a response or reaction from another
  • Fighting for someone who doesn’t want to fight for themselves
  • Doing things for someone or a cause from a stance of being “against” something or someone

I’ve heard so many women say how exhausted they are at feeling like they have to do battle with the world in order to be loved or to feel worthy of receiving love and a life of freedom, grace and magic.

Do you know a woman like that too?

If you fall into any of the above characteristics, just recognize that acknowledging a pattern of be-ing in relationship is truly half the battle towards shifting it. Release any judgement. Be gentle with yourself.

Most of us have never been taught another way.

A way that’s based on the premise that there’s nothing you need to fight for or defend because you’re connected to everything and everyone.

A way of be-ing that is less about pushing and forcing an outcome and more about creating space to act when  you’re guided to act…and to be still and open to receive when it’s time to do that too.

From that space, you bring in very different types of people into your world and relationships.

You may have gotten addicted to being a warrior.

To feeling like you have to ‘earn’ it or work hard for it.

‘It’ can be anything from a beautiful relationship, a job or business you love, money, anything.

But what if  you didn’t have to earn it or even work hard for it.

Would you still allow yourself to receive love?

The Shadow warrior would feel guilty. Or try to overcompensate. Because it wouldn’t feel worthy.

Or deserving.

But you are both.

You are worthy and deserving.

Breathe into that…say it aloud..notice any resistance that comes up.

Diana Dorell

This week’s soul Q: So let me ask you again, even if you don’t yet believe it, “Are you willing to give up being the Shadow warrior in your relationships?” What could open up for you or be different if you really, really let it go?

I’ll let that question simmer….

Hit reply and share if you feel guided!

Ps: Want to tap into that ‘other way’ I mentioned? Come to New York next month! I’ll be co-hosting a fun and powerful afternoon workshop called Love Your Intuition and would love to have you there!

 

Click the image below for more info.

how to boost your intuition in under 10 seconds

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I did a podcast interview a few years ago on self-care and trusting your intuition and the woman asked me

Q: “What is something super simple that we can all do no matter how busy life gets to start off our day right to hear our intuition?”

If you are like most people, you may feel like aren’t enough hours in the day to focus on intuitive-development or self care.

What typically happens is we go go go like little hamsters and then when we can’t take it anymore, we overindulge in food, drink, even spa services and vacations when if we just implemented some simple strategies into our daily life, we wouldn’t go into what I call, “self-pampering binges.”

So I’m going to share the same simple but powerful offering you can do right when  you open your eyes to set yourself up to tune into your gut feelings throughout the day.

It takes less than 10 seconds once you get some practice.

I call it…The Soul Word.

Right when you open your eyes (before your monkey brain starts to take over), ask yourself, “What’s my Soul word today?”

Listen to the first things that come.

It could be thematic like “peace” or an adjective describing how you want to feel “centered,”

Just go with one.

And let that be the word that choose to embody for the next 24 hours.

Why this is so powerful:

When you embody that word, you get to make sure that your actions and choices throughout the day match that energy.

 It helps you ‘check’ yourself and you can more easily make decisions by asking, “Hmmmm, does this request/opportunity/invitation support my word?”

As you align your actions and choices and even your body posture (back straight!) with the energy of that Soul word, your monkey brain gets to relax…it feels safe because it doesn’t have to work so hard to sort through this and that.

The Soul word acts as an energetic guard-rail to allow you to feel more clear throughout the day and therefore, tune into the subtle nudgings of your intuition.

This week’s Soul Q: What is your “Soul word” today? How will you embody this throughout your day?

Want more? Click here to get FREE access to Soul Love, a 5-day ecourse to attract love + feel happy, loved and free!

Diana Dorell

your april message…this one hit me over the head!

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Happy Tuesday and welcome to a brand-new month!

April is all about welcoming love, fresh starts and embracing your power from a loving, clear space.

Ahhhh…..

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

Part of being able to welcoming in more love and starting fresh is listening to the messages coming from your intuition. But…

You know how sometimes you wish you didn’t hear an intuitive message?

Or have you ever gotten one that you know hits home…but you really really wish it didn’t?

If you’re into oracle card decks at all like me, you may have even had the experience of asking a question and pulling cards around it only to be like…um, no…I don’t want that card. Let me shuffle again…only to have the same darn card come up again! And again!

So you go for a walk or put on a show to try to distract yourself from the message you just received, only it’s still in the back of your brain like this annoying little tapping you can’t quite drown out.

Until you face the music and listen to what’s coming up past the discomfort of the delivery.

It’s those times when you wish you weren’t so intuitive, you wish you could just go back to being unconscious and blissfully ignorant to a Soul Truth that rocks your whole belief system or your world view. Yes, I’m being dramatic, but hey, depends on the message right?

So here’s one that I heard a few years ago that I didn’t listen to for a long. Ass. time.

And if I had listened to it it would have saved me so much time. Energy. Yes even money.

Can I share the story with you with the intent that it supports you in your own journey to love and self-love?

Once upon a time…

I was in a series of relationship after relationship, all ending around the same 1 year mark.

It was usually around that time, that I would start to seriously give my power away unconsciously and the belief that I uncovered after a lot of work and money was this:

If you are powerful, a man won’t love you. If you don’t need him to take care of you in every single way, a man will leave.

O.M.G!

It was so so deeply ingrained in my cells that inevitably around that time when the relationship would deepen, it’s like I became this shrinked version of myself.

I would start to sabotage any success in my business or career.

I emotionally ate and gained weight.

I stopped doing the activities that I loved like dancing and singing. In short, I became like Cinderella, but BEFORE she met the Prince.

Putting the man and his needs above my own. Overgiving from a place of fear that if I really let my power pop out, he wouldn’t be able to handle it…and I’d be left alone.

I treated my body poorly and engaged in sex when I didn’t really feel like it…or over-did it to compensate for the fact that it was the only area I felt I had some control over my life.

And the weird part was that the more I did these things…the more success would show up in the man’s life so he thought things were going awesome! He was literally getting all of my energy! And there was nothing left for me because I gave it all away.

As my friend Heather would say, “No bueno, girl!”

And I remember the moment the tough love intuition hit me.

I had just gone to San Diego to visit a man I was in a “complicated” relationship with (all on my dime of course, and on all of his terms…).

And I remember leaving his apartment after a passionate but emotionally confusing weekend when a very loud (but kind) voice said..

“It’s time to give up the Cinderella story. You never needed to be rescued. And this man or any man will never be able to love you the way you deserve if you keep giving your power away.”

W-h-o-a!

That one stopped me in my tracks. I started to cry immediately (which of course he didn’t even notice).

It took me three more weeks of ignoring that message until I finally had the courage to end the relationship and do the work I needed to do on myself to reclaim my energy and my power. I was on the road to recovery…and it felt damn good.

Here are 3 truths I realized. Take if you need.

Truth 1:: To receive true love at the Highest Level, you must love yourself and treat your body, mind and money with the utmost kindness, respect and grace.

Truth 2::  It is safe for you to be a powerful person. You can be in your power and be kind. Never confuse being in your power with being “mean, selfish, overbearing or unloving.” People may not like you in your power. That’s ok. Let them stand aside. They weren’t really authentic friends, partners, etc if they can only be around you when you shrink.

Truth 3:: There is a difference than being in a co-dependent relationship and in an inter-dependent one. The first comes from a total giving away of your power and choices and will diminish you. The second says, “You are powerful and capable and worthy of love. I am powerful and capable and worthy of love.”

Which one of the 3 Truths resonate with you the most this week?

Leave a comment and share with us! There is power in community.

And before you dash, let me ask you this:

Are you ready to feel more powerful and receive true love?

Are you ready to move out of co-dependency, set healthy boundaries and feel amazing and happy?

My good friend and founder of Hair Chair Confessions, Karen Stevenson is hosting a free series to help you have more self-love and self-respect and I am honored to be one of her featured speakers along with my dear friend Marcy Neumann and other relationship experts on self love and codependency.

Want to join us?! We are going to make this heavy topic FUN and I’d love, love, love to have you be a part of it with me!

Sign up here

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Have a blessed week!

Love,

Diana

And remember…everything awesome happens on the other side of letting go of your Cinderella story…at least the rescuing part 😉

the #1 trait you must nurture to have the world at your feet…

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The number one trait you need to nurture in yourself if you want to attract love into your life is self-confidence.

Self-confident people are sexy.

They give off an energy that is magnetic and reassuring to be around.

An energy that says, “I know who I am and I’m totally present with you.*

Can I share a story with you?

*Kathy had everything going for her.

She was at the top of her class, she looked like a model and she cared deeply about her friends and family.

Men (and women!) would be so attracted to her at first, pulled in by her gorgeous looks and unassuming nature. But not long after, she kept coming to me complaining that she had no friends and that none of the men wanted to go out on more than one date with her (unless it was to sleep with them!)

“What the heck, Diana?!”

Kathy and I had been friends for about two years, so I felt very comfortable shooting straight from the hip with her and giving my two cents, especially because she asked for it.

“Kathy, I love you, but you need to believe in yourself more. You worry way too much about what other people think and that insecurity and lack of belief in yourself is literally repelling people from wanting to be around you. You are more than just your looks. You are beautiful inside and out, you’re one of the most witty people I know, but it doesn’t matter how much I tell you this. You have to believe it for yourself or it’s going to be a very very rough life and girl…you deserve to have it all!”

Her jaw dropped open slightly.

Gulp.

Had I gone too far? What had I even said?!

This was years before I became a professional intuitive counselor/coach, even before I was on the spiritual path at all, but it was like the words just fell out of my mouth. I now know it was probably Spirit channeling through me the words she needed to hear at that exact moment.

She was quiet for a long time and then looked up at me and said, “Thank you. You’re right. I have been pretty down on myself. I need to stop that. My mother was always telling me that I wasn’t good enough…I always felt like I had to be the best. I always put the pressure on myself and it makes me question everything. I have to change.”

It’s amazing how everything changes with awareness.

Now it didn’t happen overnight and I’m sure she got extra support beyond what I as her friend could provide, but after that conversation, I noticed that she would catch herself before she went into another tirade of self-questioning about a certain guy, assignment, etc.

She slowly but surely began to develop her own sense of self and confidence, apart from the identity and persona she felt she had to be for everyone else.

The first step is awareness of a Truth and commitment to make a change. There is power in the commitments we make to our sacred selves.

And we have that power within us always.

There is a happy ending to this story. A few years ago, I had the pleasure of attending Kathy’s wedding and she is married to a wonderful man who adores her and all her quirks just as she is.

She’s still on the shy side, but she now walks tall and takes up space when she’s in the room with that beautiful smile. It is so cool to see that transformation in her and to see in front of my eyes what is possible when a woman decides to own her inner confidence and true beauty.

The good news is that inner confidence can be cultivated.

Here is one of my favorite confidence-building exercises. I call it the “Look at Me List.”

At the end of each day, reflect and write down one thing that you are proud of. This could be something very mundane like, “I’m proud that I didn’t skip breakfast today. I had so much energy!” to something more intangible like, “I’m proud that I spoke up for myself at work instead of slinking away and taking on additional work.” If you are stuck, you can also ask yourself, ‘What is one thing I appreciate about myself today?”

The more you do this, the more your logical, skeptical mind gets convinced that you really are a confident person.

Over to you: Do you struggle with self confidence? Do you know you have a lot of love to offer but you feel held back by insecurities or something else you can’t pinpoint?

If so, go here to get on my calendar and book a complimentary 15-minute Love Assessment consult! I’d love to help you identify the core block(s) that could be getting in your way towards attracting the love and life that you want.

NOTE: You are under no obligation to purchase services or programs by booking this call. If you are interested in learning more about those, you will have a chance to get all your questions answered at the end of the call.

*name has been changed to protect privacy

i was in prison

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I remember gazing up at a sterile white wall.

I was in one of those flimsy hospital gowns and my heart was beating so fast.

I remember taking a heavy, labored breath and tears streamed down my face. That was the moment.

The moment I realized that I had been in prison.

Not actual prison, but a prison of my mind.

I was in the ER in Oakland and had no idea how I ended up there.

All I remembered was feeling dizzy and worried about one of the 10,000 things I had on my plate that day.

I had five jobs I was juggling, a relationship that was quickly unraveling and I honestly had to remind myself to eat my schedule was that crazy.

I call it pre-Angel awakening era.

The prison I was in is what many of us can fall into.

It is the prison of believing that your worth is only as good as what you “produce” or “do.”

I didn’t feel worthy of slowing down. Or taking a real mental or physical break. If I wasn’t doing something for someone, who was I?

Have you ever been in that place?

When you are there, your body talks to you, but you rarely listen.

And because everything in your life is connected, it wasn’t a shocker that I ended up in the ER where all they could say was I was “in a high state of stress” and in my relationship at the time, I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough, so I overgave and was guided primarily by my insecurities…never a recipe for a loving, healthy partnership.

So, my body woke me up to the Truth of the lie I’d been buying into.

And a voice whispered…”you are enough, Diana..just as you are. There’s nothing you need to do to prove that to anyone. It’s ok to be still a bit.”

Everything that came after that day at the ER was part of what I now see as a spiritual awakening…a commitment to be more conscious and gentle with myself. To know that I am a work in progress and that perfection is an illusion.

What freed me from the prison is one word that packs a punch.

That word is permission.

And if you are desiring more love in your life and it has felt MIA, consider that it could be a great time to give yourself permission…..

Permission to release from that internal prison now….

When we judge ourselves and our worth based on our productivity, we are at the mercy of an invisible slave master.

You can’t be fully in the moment because your thoughts are one step ahead wondering and analyzing what you should or could do more of.

And newsflash: If you aren’t fully in the moment, it’s going to be way harder to hear the subtle messages from your intuition or to take the steps that would allow you to attract love into your life.

So….

The Permission Challenge: Will you take this journey with me this week?

So starting right now I’m giving myself permission to not bang out 11 tips to xyz from my head and I trade it in for real, raw and potent Truth from my Soul. ps: That is your Soul Love nugget for this week too.

Where do you need to give yourself permission?

And

Are you willing to give yourself permission?

All sorts of cool shit happens when we give ourselves permission…it feels like this secret guilty pleasure, but really, giving yourself permission is about letting of self-judgement.

And when we do that, we also find that people tend to judge us less or said another way, we feel more generally accepted because well…we accept ourselves.

So, I made a “I give you permission” list for myself.

Here are three things on it.

:: I give myself permission to respond to messages only after checking in to see that I’ve nourished myself first (hydrated, fed myself, am calm, etc). I release internal pressure to respond right away…ahhh!

:: I give myself permission to say no when I get a request that will “just take a few minutes of my time.” My time is a non-renewable resource, so instead of doing the polite…maybe a little later, I’m just going for the Truth: thanks, but no thanks. No explanation needed.

:: I give myself permission to have daily space-out time in nature, even if that means me staring out my window at a tree. A screensaver of a tree doesn’t cut it.

Now over to you.

Q: What is one thing you will give yourself permission for this week?

Hit reply and tell me!

I get a lot of email so while I can’t promise a response, I do promise to read it.

Ps: Are you getting the nudge that you would like more personalized support on how to tame your monkey mind and let go of all the crap that’s been holding you back from having a great life and relationship? Click here to schedule a consult with me + let’s talk. I want to hear your goals and also see if I’m the best person to partner with you at this time. No obligation, but if you are feeling that consistent knowing that something’s gotta change, I’d love to support you.