Q: I feel like I’m finally learning how to speak up for myself, especially around men, but I’m afraid I’m going to put them off or come off as a cold, heartless bitch. Can you be assertive and still be ‘feminine?’

In this video you will learn:

• The real reason you’re not asserting yourself in relationships and how to change that ASAP (it’s easier than you think!)
• 3 exact steps to stop feeling afraid to assert yourself (especially if you are sensitive to energy)
• The 3-part magic formula to have an assertive conversation that works! (I use this all the time!)
• Which ArchAngel you can call in to help you manage your mind during an uncomfortable conversation

Q: Now it’s your turn! Have you ever had to assert yourself and felt uncomfortable? What helped you overcome that fear, especially in relationships? Share your story in the comments below!

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Prefer to read? Here’s the Video Transcript:

I love this question so so much because there are several layers to it.

The short answer is yes…but there’s a lot there.

Step 1: Make sure your definition of assertive is empowering (or you won’t want to be it!)

First off, it’s really important to look at the words you are using to describe being assertive. If they don’t match what you want, the good news is that you can change it up! It’s your definition after all.

If your definition of being assertive=being a cold, heartless bitch, then I can see why you wouldn’t want to go there!

Step 2: Consider what ‘feminine’ means:

You care about making sure you’re not hurting other people’s feelings or stepping on any toes, which is admirable and means you have a good heart. (yay!)

Having said that, putting how other people feel or how you assume they will react before asserting yourself aka “expressing your Truth” could be the core thing getting in your way.

You may confuse being ‘feminine’ with accommodating other people’s needs and wants before your own.

Step 3: Prepare to assert yourself

But feminine energy in its simplest most healthy form is about

• Creating a clear vision
• Trusting
• Receiving
• Connecting

The masculine energy in its simplest most healthy form is about

• Executing the vision of the feminine
• Directing
• Taking decisive action
• Communicating assertively with all parties’ best interest in mind

So, when you truly assert yourself with a man (or anyone) in a healthy way and tell them how you feel about something, you are actually using both your masculine and feminine sides.

Most people try to go in one energy direction alone when asserting and that’s where they run into problems, especially if you are on the energetically sensitive side.

Too much feminine and you become a doormat, not sure of your vision and looking to others to give it to you.

Too much masculine and you become a dictator, telling people what you want but not integrating it with what’s best for the desired outcome.

Let’s break it down.

• Before you talk to anyone or assert yourself, you must know what you want to say and what you want the outcome of that conversation to be. It may be to just feel heard, to renegotiate boundaries or previous commitments, etc. But it should be clear before your open your mouth. If you aren’t sure, wait. Or be at the mercy of the other person’s opinions. (Clear vision=feminine preparation)

• Before you start talking, set an intent that your words come from your Highest Truth (I call on ArchAngel Gabrielle, the Communication Angel to help me say the words I need to say, especially if it’s an uncomfortable conversation!). The other person will respond in a way that they choose to, but at least you can have peace of mind that you did your part. (All parties best interest in mind=masculine preparation)

• Speak your truth and do the 3-magic parts and use words like…”I feel” (feminine) and “What I’d love to see is….(masculine). And end with a question to open the dialogue up (What do you think about that?) (connection and clarity). Then listen….

The more you can integrate your masculine and feminine energies into all your conversations, the easier it will be to assert yourself and feel great about it!

Practice, practice, practice!

Now it’s your turn: Have you ever had to assert yourself and felt uncomfortable? What helped you overcome that fear, especially in relationships? Share your story in the comments below!

Want more? Sign up for FREE weekly updates and get a free gift to help you love and trust yourself!

1. In what could be an incredibly stressful moment or time in her life, she keeps going no matter what. (It’s so easy to quit)
2. When people throw stingers at her that she is a “geriatric mother” she stays poised and in control of her emotions….and brings the hammer down with grace when she needs to.
   (How many of us have used the excuse…”I’m too old/inexperienced/green, etc to have XYZ?” It’s so easy to judge ourselves or take the comments others say to heart when we are stressed. Know who you are and let stuff roll off your back.)
3. You won’t have all the answers. You won’t always have control. But when things don’t go your way, assume that the Universe has saved you a whole lotta trouble and is bringing something even more perfect for you.

This week’s Soul question: Which one of the 3 “Bridget” tips above will be your spiritual mantra this week?

Have a fantastic week and if you are single and want to be in a relationship….

*check out the new course, The Dating Mirror Course: 7 Weeks to Trust Again, Love Again that starts Monday!

My co-author Maryellen Smith and I are so excited to have you!

 Click here.