Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Consider letting them go.-Oprah Winfrey

 Have you ever caught yourself comparing yourself to who you used to be or how a situation used to be?

 In relationships and especially if you are just getting back into the dating scene, it’s so easy to give into thoughts like:

 

“Well, online dating NEVER works. I tried it before and it didn’t work out, so it’ll never work for me.”

 

“Men only want women who are thin and I used to be 20 lbs lighter than I am now. I just need to lose weight first and then I’ll feel more comfortable to get out there. I don’t want to be rejected!”

 

“I used to be/have _______(fill in the blank with some amazing quality or accomplishment. It’s just too late for that now. I’m too _______old/overweight/emotionallyunavailable/setinmyways fill in the blank flaw…etc)

 

Is it any wonder that forging a new path in love feels well, uncomfortable and scary, even if it’s what you know your heart really wants?

I was totally there on Saturday morning and I’d love to share a little story from my life about letting go of who you were so you can step into who you really are.

 

NOTE: While this is not a dating story, the 3 lessons I learned can be applied to your relationships and especially if you’re just getting started dating again!

 

I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

—-

 

THE STORY:

 

In a nutshell, before I did this intuitive relationship work, I was/am a classically trained professional dancer, was on pointe (dancing on my toes), was ready to join a company and following a turn of events, I left that world to pursue other things in my mid-twenties. I kept getting the nudge that it was time to get back into ballet class just for fun, but I’d kept putting it off until this past weekend.

 

“Honey, I’m so nervous…and excited!” I told my partner as I Googled the location to make sure I knew where to go.

 

“You’ll do awesome! Have fun!” he shouted from the bed, happy to send me off and get back to sleeping in late.

 

I shoved my old ballet shoes in my purse, put on yoga pants and a body slimming tank ( I wasn’t ready for a full-on leotard and tights just yet) and ran out the door. Why was my heart beating so fast?

 When I got there, this security guard greeted me as he opened the doors into the Kansas City Ballet. I went to the front desk, ready for anything and the lady looks me over and asks, “Welcome ! So, did you want to inquire about a class for your daughter?” Shit. Really?

 

“Um…no actually it’s for me. I would like to take a studio class please. 11:45?”

Lesson #1: Stay with fear

 When you are just on the brink of letting go of the ledge and doing something outside your comfort zone, it’s easy to want to flee. Don’t. Stay with it.

 

I felt the blood rushing to my face and I wanted to RUN. Run out to car, shove the shoes back in my purse and pretend nothing happened. And maybe eat a donut. But my feet felt like they were glued to the floor. It was like I became 12 years old all over again. Keep going, Diana. You came this far, a little voice said.

The next thing I know I’m climbing two staircases and on the way to my class, I pass the company class, the official Kansas City Ballet company rehearsing. They all had these amazing bodies, the ladies were on pointe and the men were doing their turns and leaps effortlessly. They were laughing and smiling. There was an old piano in the corner and I felt a wave of sadness, anger and embarrassment rush over me.

 

What was going on with me?

 

And I realized that I was comparing myself. Not to them, but to the dancer and performer I USED to be. And the Diana that was here going to ballet class for adults…well, she just didn’t measure up anymore. My body had changed. My feet had changed. My toes had had so many surgeries that getting into those shoes again was no longer an option for my health. I felt small. And it hurt me so deeply but I had about twenty minutes before the class started and I was all registered anyway, so I just sat there and took it all in.

 I remembered being the ballet studio favorite, on her toes, auditioning to be on summer scholarship and working with the greats like Broadway Fosse star Ann Reinking, the King of Tap, Gregory Hines and Taxi TV star Marilu Henner. I was only 16 years old and I was invincible. And I gave it all up. I could feel the tears coming and I texted my sweetie, but he didn’t respond. Breathe, Diana, the little voice whispered.

 

“Yay! There you are!”

 

A door flung open and my reverie was interrupted by parents’ voices and  a dozen of 5- year olds in pale pink leotards, their little feet tiptoeing out of their class and smiles on their adorable faces ready to conquer the world.  Nothing like a pack of little ones to shift you away from yourself, if only momentarily.

 

Yes, that is me, third from the left.

 

Lesson #2: Master Your Thoughts.

 The only thing you have complete control over is your thoughts. Choose your thoughts or they will choose YOU.

 

As I stepped into the class, I took my place at the barre and felt like I was going to throw up.

 

What if I was no good?

 

What if I couldn’t remember the steps?

 

What if I froze when we went across the floor and was humiliated for the rest of the class to laugh at?

 

The teacher was this tiny woman named Tess who smiled really big and had a soothing, patient energy about her. (it was the same teacher that taught the 5-year olds.)

 

Great. I thought.

 

I’m going to be taught by the 5-year olds teacher. She’ll probably do really easy basic stuff and I’ll get bored.

 

Why did I come? I should have just gone into the intermediate/advanced class. I wonder if they’ll let me switch.

 

Oh how quickly our Ego thoughts can run away with us if we let them!

But something really cool happened.

 

Once we started, all I had time to focus on was the piano, my body and counting in my head so I could remember the steps on time.

 

Every time a negative thought tried to pop into my head and take me off balance,  I literally had to skip over it if I wanted to finish a particular combination. It was like two lines on a vinyl. You couldn’t keep stopping and scratching the thing if you were ever going to listen to the whole song. And the deeper I got into the class, it was clear that my body was becoming faster than my Fear mind. It was so awesome!

And once we got into the middle of the floor and started doing jumps, I was in heaven and I couldn’t stop grinning! And I finally got it:

Lesson #3: Let Go

 True Joy comes from meeting yourself (and others) where they are HERE. NOW. Not where they/you were before.

 

You have to let go of who you were to step into who you are and who you will become.

 

I found such peace once I gave myself permission to truly let go of the dancer I was. So I could step into the joy of the dancer and woman I am today. The joy and passion I feel for dance has never left but I had suppressed and denied myself a real class for too long because I was afraid. Afraid that I wouldn’t quite measure up to the old me. Afraid of being judged. Afraid of feeling my body in that way again.

 

Can you relate?

 

It may not be the same exact scenario, but the truth is our passions (and the suppression of your passions affect our ability to bring in a new love and sustain our current relationships.

 Not surprisingly, as I soon as I gave into my body’s true desire and gave up feeding the ghost of Dance past, I felt my heart expand even more. I felt like I had more to offer the world, and more to offer my relationships. And when I got home, my honey saw the huge smile on my face and his eyes got really big. “Wow! You look so beautiful honey. What did you do? Can you do it everyday?” And I just smiled back. “I’ll be back to dance next Saturday.”

 

Recapping:

Lesson #1: Stay with fear

Lesson #2: Master Your Thoughts.

Lesson #3: Let Go

Your TURN: Share your insights to any of the following in the comments section!

 

• Which lesson # do you vibe with? Why?

 

• How could your love life improve if you implemented it?

 

• What are you willing to let go of (a thought, an image of who you were, a person from your past) to step into who you really are?

Did you enjoy this story?

 

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Note from Diana: Let’s face it. When you are thinking about heading back into the dating game, it’s easy to want to approach it as you would your business-ruthless, focused and driven towards an intended outcome. If you’re in my community, chances are high that you are awesome at getting things done and making things happen, but in love, that can actually work against you. And when I sat down to chat with fellow Goddess from Creative Money, certified financial planner, Mindy Crary, we discovered something quite spooky-the blocks our clients were experiencing around money/their finances were almost identical to the blocks they were experiencing in their relationships.

So, of course, I wanted her to share her story with you about being a recovering workaholic and her secret to success (and it does NOT include being PRODUCTIVE)! You can apply the principles she shares below in your love life, health and yes, money space! And if you like what you read, be sure to sign up for Mindy and I’s FREE class coming up next week:  3 Love and Money Myths of the Alpha Female”

 

By Mindy Crary, from Creative Money

Are you a Type-A personality? As a recovering workaholic, it would be easy for me to work 60 hours a week to try and make things happen, but what I found is, the less productive I am, the better results I get, especially with the quality of my relationships!

Doing Nothing Is Hard
I stumbled on this realization during an especially challenging time in my life; I had just left traditional financial services and was starting my own business from scratch. I thought that I would have my business sale proceeds to live on during the transition, but the buyer was being difficult (and I ended up hiring an attorney to deal with him).So there I was, in a new city, trying to scratch out an income and find new clients. I was freaking out, because with some of my health issues, working 60 hours per week was no longer an option for me. And at some point, you know that you’ve done everything you need to do, and you’re just spinning your wheels.Finally–more out of defeat than optimism—I said, “Screw it, I am going to go enjoy the afternoon with my friends, I am sick of sitting in front of this computer and networking!”

 

Something From Nothing
I went out and relaxed for the first time in weeks. I never even gave the business a thought for over 6 hours, because I was having so much fun with my friends. Then I came home, and I had three messages from prospects wanting to work with me! I didn’t know about Law of Attraction yet, and I was just starting to understand my own energy. But I thought, “Wow, if THIS is what happens when I go have some fun, I need to have more fun!!” And since I made that connection, acquiring clients has never been an issue for me. If I feel myself starting to worry about business, I take the afternoon off and enjoy myself. And it never fails—when I come back and check my email, there are new prospects waiting for me.
Relaxing Into Productivity

I think the hardest thing for a Type A personality is to do nothing, and believe that what they want can happen without their intervention. But I find that even in other areas of my life, doing nothing gets me better results:
• Instead of chasing the guy I think I want, I signal my receptivity more passively and let men come to me (and allow our compatibility to unfold)
• Instead of driving my business agenda forward relentlessly, I defer decisions until it the right one is clear
• Instead of pushing for a friendship with someone I admire, I accept that everything happens in its own time (and enjoy those people offering friendship to me)
• Instead working out no matter what, I assess my energy and only do as much as will energize me on that day
• Instead of demanding what I need from others, I receive what is given freely, and know that there are countless other ways to get all of my needs met
It’s impossible to be productive and get results if you’re resistant to the way things are. By changing the scenery, relaxing and breaking out of whatever dynamic you’re caught up in, you’ll also release your resistance.
What To Do Instead
When you’re feeling stuck, unproductive and annoyed with the current situation, consider doing one of these three things instead:
Get outside. Nothing makes me happier than grabbing coffee and sitting in the dog park—even though I don’t have a dog! I can lose myself for hours watching their antics and enjoyment.
Exercise. Sometimes cardio make me feel aggressive, but it’s impossible to hold onto a freak-out with yoga. Or (if I don’t think of it as heart-pumping, “productive” exercise), walking through a beautiful park can be soothing.
Connect. Go see your friends—the real, living breathing version, not on social media! I try to connect in “real life” with someone every day, and even though I am an introvert, the contact energizes me.
Once I realized that stepping away from my business actually made it more successful, I made that a priority. I’m not goofing off; I am allowing things to develop without me!
Actions This Week: YOUR TURN!
• This week, let go of one situation that is frustrating you…step away and resolve to “let it be” for several hours, a day or a week. And go do something fun that makes you forget about it!

• In the comments, post your thoughts to this question: “What is one specific area of your life where you are ready to release the urge to be more productive? Why?”
Tell us! Declare your intention to receive solutions and resolutions without working so hard.
Want More?
1. Join Mindy and me for our free class, “3 Love and Money Myths of the Alpha Female” coming up September 9th! Click here to learn more!

2. To learn more about Mindy and get her free gift, “Getting Started With Conscious Spending” go here!